


Hello

by Starlight_Thoughts



Series: Fall For Me [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec didn't stay with magnus, Cheating, M/M, Romance, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:14:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5286851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Thoughts/pseuds/Starlight_Thoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jace receives a phone call from a slightly drunk Alec, saying that Magnus Bane had shown up at his house the day before. It's been 12 years since he had seen the man, and Alec's married now. </p><p>First chapter based off the song "Hello" by Adele.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello, It's Me

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any recognizable characters, those are the property of Cassandra Clare.  
> Also posted on other sites.

Jace woke up to a phone call from his _parabat_ _a_ _i_. Once upon a time, this was not uncommon. Once upon a time, hearing a teary Alec saying he made a huge mistake was his morning alarm. It's been ten years since the last call at 6 AM.

"Alec? What's wrong?" His voice was still groggy, and so quiet as Clary was asleep next to him.

"He came to my house yesterday. It's been twelve years since...but he came... By the Angel, Jace, what am I supposed to do about this?" With a roll of his eyes, Jace got up out of bed. This was likely to take some time.

"He, as in..." He hated to ask, but he needed to, needed to make Alec say his name. Alec needed to face this.

"Magnus fucking Bane," Alec spit out. Jace thought there was the faint chance that Alec was drunk.

"Does Chris know that your ex boyfriend has decided that he wants you back in his life?" Jace asked Alec. It was never good to get Alec to dwell on emotions, not while he was in such a vulnerable state.

"Probably. Ashleigh answered the door, and Rory came home while he was there. Angel knows that those kids can't keep a thing from their mother, and she hates me with a passion, so it's likely that she told Chris. Jace, what if I lose Chris? What if I lose my kids?" Alec was certainly drunk. He never rambled like this otherwise.

"Alec, forget about losing Chris. The man adores you. He married you, after all." Jace didn't even mention Ashleigh and Rory. That would be too cruel.

"I know he married me. I married him. And it was beautiful. He was beautiful. And little Ashleigh, walking hand in hand with Rory, they were so happy. But I couldn't help but think what Magnus would be able to do for a wedding." The Angel knew that Jace hated boy talk. He hated being this sappy with anyone other than Clary. He hated it, but he got used to it, because for two years, Alec needed him to be okay with it. Alec needed him, and that was enough for Jace to say what needed to come next.

 

_The day before...._

 

Alec was tired. It was a rare day that Chris had left to go hunting on his own-something about needing to talk to Chrisalai about the kids and save for his 13-year-old daughter Ashleigh, he was alone. Rory was with Jace, training his and Clary's kids. He chose to spend this day without obligations reading. And so he had, until Ashleigh came running into his and Chris's room.

"Daddy, there' someone knocking at the door," she said. Alec refrained from rolling his eyes—damn Magnus for instilling that habit in him—and took her hand. He really hoped that she would grow out of her fear of strangers soon.

"Come on, Ash. Let's go see who it is," he said calmly to the girl. Ashleigh smiled and dragged him to the front door.

"Now, Ash, why don't I go over here, and you open the door?" All the silly games that he and Chris had invented for Ashleigh to embrace people were just like this one, one of her dads would always be in her eyesight, but out of others.

Her hand curled around the metal knob and she opened the door towards her. Standing outside of it was an Asian man wearing tight clothes and lots of glitter. It was the glitter that convinced her to talk.

"I'm Ashleigh. Why are you covered in glitter?" The question made Alec nervous. He could only think of two people wore glitter, and Izzy would have called ahead.

"Pretty name, Ashleigh. I like glitter. It makes everything sparkle." Alec knew that voice, of course he did. Just because he'd spent years trying to forget it doesn't mean he was actually capable of doing so. He was about to come out from behind the door, but then Ashleigh laughed.

"Everything is better when it sparkles," she told him. Then he laughed and Alec's world stopped as it always did when that man laughed.

"That's almost true. Most things are better when they sparkle. I'm looking for one that is fine as it is, Alexander Lightwood. Would he happen to be home?" Ashleigh poked her head around the door and said,

"He's here for you, daddy." Alec nodded as the man mouthed the word, "daddy".

"Yeah, Ash, I know. Why don't you go to the park and play with your cousins?" Alec suggested as he came out from behind the door.

"But I-"

" _Please_ , Ash." She brushed light brown curls from her eyes and walked out the door, waving goodbye to the glittery man as she did.

"Will she be safe in the park on her own?" The other man asked, watching her skip down the street.

"She's part fairy, part Shadowhunter. She's as safe as she can be, Magnus." Saying his name had more of an affect than he would have liked. "Why are you here?"

Magnus, as per usual, ignore the question.

"She called you daddy." Alec was not having the evasiveness that day.

"Of course she did. She always does. Why are you here?" Magnus ran a hand through his hair. The action caught Alec off guard. This was Magnus who looked gorgeous dying in a demon realm. He never messed up his hair. A devious and unwanted thought crossed Alec's mind, saying that messing up Magnus's hair was Alec's job.

"I had wanted to talk...you had just left without saying anything that night and Isabelle said to give you space...and I lost track of time...and it seems that it wouldn't matter, so I should be going. Whoever he is, I hope he makes you happy," Magnus said in a rush. His every move was so wrong, so not the confident warlock that Alec knew. Everything was the opposite of Magnus, and Alec couldn't stand it.

"His name is Chris. Ash is his daughter from his last relationship. Ash and Rory. He was an ascendant. We combined names. Shadowwood. Chris insisted on it. Rory trains Will and Amanda, Jace and Clary's kids, with them. Ash's mother didn't want her training with others, so I train her. She's terrified of strangers. Rory looks like Chris, and Ash like Chrisalai. Chris is with her right now, I'm not sure why. We've been married for ten years now. By the Angel, I love him, but-” Magnus put a finger to Alec's lips as he had done so many times in the past.

“You love him. You're happy. That's all that matters, Alexander. I'll go now,” Magnus said in a whisper. It was at that moment that Rory Shadowwood walked up to the house.

“Um, sorry if I'm interrupting, Dad, but I'm kind of tired and would like to go take a nap. So, could you two please move away from the door,” he said, heavy on the sarcasm. Alec blinked at the boy—teenager really—that he called his son. Then he shook his head, getting rid of the shock.

“By the Angel, Rory, don't sneak up on me like that,” Alec said, pulling Magnus inside and to the left in order to make room for Rory to go through.

“Sorry, Dad. Nice to see you, Magnus. Was wondering was you weren't at training,” he said running up the stairs, taking two at a time. At that Alec was dumbfounded.

“You...you know Rory?” he asked Magnus, who only nodded, and walked away.

Alec stood by himself in the doorway of his home, watching the man who defined his adolescence walk away from him again. And even though he was married, even though he could hear his son start his music, and his daughter laughing down the street, and felt the ring on his finger burn in the sunlight, watching Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn walk away from him now hurt just as much as it did the first time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Comments are always welcome, and I reply to all of them. I love you all.
> 
> Starlight


	2. They Say Time's Supposed To Heal Ya

Magnus was an idiot. Sure, it was a simple thing to get Jace to tell him where Alec had moved to—did anyone really expect him to not notice the boy's absence—but that wasn't the only thing in his way.  
  
It had been twelve years since they sat on that rooftop at the end of everything. Twelve years since Magnus handed Alec his life written in looping script, and after a kiss that gave him hope, Alec gave it back to him. He knew Alec didn't do it to be cruel. But it still felt as though that was the intention.  
  
In the aftermath, Magnus became close to Jace. When asked about it, he said that it was because Tessa had asked him to watch over her family (Herondale's always were reckless). Jace knew better, but he let the lie stand.  
  
Later, Jace asked Magnus to come and help train the next generation of Shadowhunters. To say that Magnus was surprised was an understatement.  
  
_Everything was so boring without Alec there. No more running around trying to save people, no more arguing with Shadowhunters about equality and fairness. No more looking into his beautiful blue eyes and knowing that the hell—literally—he had gone through was worth it. Magnus sat on his couch petting his cat feeling entirely too sorry for himself when Jace came through the door._  
  
_"By the Angel. Now this is pathetic," he said, noticing that Magnus was still in pajamas, not a touch of makeup and the overwhelming scent of Chinese food._  
  
_"Do spare me the lecture. You came for a reason. So speak, then leave," was Magnus's reply. Jace shook his head. It seemed it was one of the bad days. He could push it, normally he would, but he was here to ask a favor._  
  
_"Do you want to help train Will and Amanda?" That got Magnus's attention. He sat up, and placed Chairman Meow down on the floor._  
  
_"Why would you want me, Blondie?"_  
  
_"Maybe because I know how you fight. Maybe because the kids need to learn how to be a bit more welcoming of Downworlders. Maybe because it sucks watching one of my best friends wallow in self-pity because of the other one of my best friends," having children had not calmed down the way Jace spoke, and Magnus was grateful for it. After a slight sigh, Magnus said,_  
  
_"What would me helping to train them entail?" Jace smiled._  
  
_"Show up at the Institute at 8AM tomorrow and you'll find out. " And so Magnus did._  
  
Magnus would never admit it, but he loved training the Shadowhunters-to-be. The twins were as feisty as their mother, and as reckless as their father. The way the two learned to fight, it was if he was watching Jem and Will together again.  
  
Magnus had none of the Shadowhunter grace or speed, and he never much cared for learning martial arts, so he taught them how to fight with magic instead of against it, the way Alec--it hurt to even think his name--did on their first date. Jace and Rory taught them the things that Magnus couldn't. And life was...nice. It was tolerable, at least. He was no longer completely alone.  
  
The first few years, not the he knew it was years, Magnus went searching for boys—and the occasional girl—who had pale skin, dark hair and oh so beautiful blue eyes to seduce into his bed. It wasn't hard to do. Most of them were mundanes, though there were a few vampires—it seemed that watching Raphael die for him stuck in his head—and one werewolf.  
  
Eventually Catarina stopped him. She said that fucking his way through everyone who looked like the Shadowhunter boy he loved wasn't going to help him get over Alec. Magnus knew she was right, even if he would never say so. He thought that it was Catarina's idea to have Magnus teach the young shadowhunters. She knew full well that interventions rarely worked when it came to Magnus.  
  
Life was okay again once he started at the Institute. It didn't hurt all the time anymore. Only when he wasn't busy teaching children to kill, and how to not die. But it still hurt, and Alec wasn't there to make it better.  
  
Then it dawned on him. He was at the Institute almost every day and he hadn't seen Alec once. It wasn't like Alec to not train, to not be the sexy as hell Shadowhunter that he was. Alec had just came into himself, it wasn't right that he was now nowhere to be found.  
  
"So Blondie, where are the Lightwoods?" He asked Jace one day after training as he and Rory put away the weaponry of the day. Rory's head turned sharply to face Magnus, brown curls flying everywhere. Jace shook his head slightly.  
  
"Izzy moved to Alicante to help oversee Simon's training after everything was said and done. Alec...Alec said he needed a break from this. He comes by every now and then, but he mostly stays away." Magnus felt his heart cry at that.  
  
"I'm sorry you more or less lost your best friend because of me," he whispered, walking out of the weapons room. Grabbing a sharpie from a drawer, Jace ran to catch up with him. He took Magnus's arm and pushed up the sleeve before Magnus could register what was going on.  
  
"This is where he's at now," Jace said scribbling something on his skin, "you might not like what you find, but you can go see for yourself that he is okay." Magnus stared confused at the black ink.  
  
"Couldn't you have found a piece of paper?" He said rolling his eyes. Jace grinned.  
  
"'Course not. " the two men laughed together. In moments like this, Magnus really was reminded of the first Will Herondale, and it put him at peace for a few moments.  
  
The next day, Magnus texted Jace saying that he wouldn't make it to training, and took most of it getting ready. It had been forever since he cared enough to bother with makeup or glitter. But this was Alec, and he always cared enough to bother for Alec.  
  
When he knocked on the door, it was a girl who opened it. She looked painfully shy and overwhelmingly curious and it seemed that the second won out. He was shocked that she was there, but thought perhaps Alec was babysitting. He did love kids, after all. The moment the word 'daddy' escaped her lips, Magnus knew that his heart was about to break all over again.  
  
He stood there as Alec rambled on about his new life and his husband and part fairy kids, barely registering that the name Rory was spoken until the boy walked up to the house. He was happy that Alec was happy, but it hurt that that happiness was not because of him.  
  
As he walked away, he wiped away tears and thought back to when he thought that Alexander Lightwood might not break his heart. At that, his tears came down faster as he realized exactly how wrong he was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments are very much welcome, and I reply to all of them. I love you all. 
> 
> Starlight


	3. But I Ain't Done Much Healing

 Alec sat there on the bed remembering how he and Chris had met. Like Magnus, it was at a party. Unlike like Magnus, Chris didn't dress to draw attention. Chris didn't try to be noticed at all. Chris was trying to keep his unruly children under control. And failing so badly that Alec couldn't help but intervene.

  " _Hey, do you need help?" He asked Chris. He hadn't known his name, then. The man was startled by Alec's voice._

_"Help? Umm, yes , that would be nice. Could you watch Ashleigh while I try to get Rory to behave? God, this is embarrassing," he mumbled, giving Alec the hand of the two year old standing next to him. The way that he spoke gave Alec a wealth of information. Nowhere near enough sleep, not used to dealing with children on his own, and he wasn't born a Shadowhunter._

_"I'm Alec, Alec Lightwood," he offered, as it would be weird if he didn't._

" _Yeah, I know who you are. If I didn't, I wouldn't have handed you my daughter. I'm Chris. Uh, Chris Shadowhunter. Rory, what are you doing? No, don't feed fairy food to the newborns, Rory stop!" Chris said, running off in the direction of the little devil boy. Alec looked down at my the girl Chris had called Ashleigh. She was pretty, with her caramel curls that framed her green eyes. The slightly pointed ears said that she was also of the Fair Folk. Alec glanced back up at Chris, wondering what an ascendant was doing with a mixed blood child._

_Later, when day turned to night, and Ashleigh had fallen asleep in his arms, Alec went to find Chris. The Institute was quiet, and he was one of the last few non-Londoners left ._

_"There you are," came a voice from the library to Alec's left. A quick glance in that direction told him that it was Chris. It had been a few years since Alec had stepped foot in the London Institute's library, and he missed it._

_"She's asleep. Has been since the warlock boy, Sam, I think, started playing the fairy lullabies," he told Chris. Chris tilted his head slightly. It was rare for someone--a Shadowhunter--to try and remember the name of the Downworlder entertainment._

_"Yeah, that would do it. Her mother used to sing her to sleep. Nothing else works so well. For her and this one," Chris said while pointing to the sleeping boy on his lap._

  " _How did an ascendant end up with part fairy kids?" Alec couldn't contain his curiosity any longer, and was well aware that the question as a bit intrusive for the first meeting. Instead of getting offended, Chris just laughed._

_"I ascended when I was 16. Five years later, I had a night with too much to drink with a very pretty girl, who got pregnant. Later, I found out that she was one of the Fair Folk. For awhile, I lived with her. I loved her. Most of the time, we were careful. Until once again, we weren't. Hence Ashleigh. Last year, Chrisalai found someone prettier, and left me with the kids." It sounded as though the man had already accepted the fact that he wasn't likely to find someone else to fall in love with._

_"How old are you?"Alec couldn't help but ask._

_"28," Chris replied. Alec just nodded. That placed Rory at 7. That made sense._

  " _Alexander Lightwood, if you wish to go back to New York, I would get yourself down here because I am not holding this portal open too much longer, not even for you," Catarina yelled into the library. When Chris looked confused, Alec laughed._

_"Give me a sec, Cat. Just need to say goodbye to a friend," he called back down to her.   "You know Catarina Loss personally?" Chris asked. Alec nodded and said,_

_"Yeah, we're actually really good friends. More so in the last year or so..." Alec went quiet when placing the timeline, because it still hurt._

_"Lightwood, get down here, or I will bring him here and he can take you home!" Alec cursed under his breath, still aware of the sleeping children In the room._

_"Sorry, I have to go. If you're ever in the New York area, find me, okay?" Alec said really quickly before being a reckless idiot and kissing Chris on the cheek and running out the door. Alec had not expected to find Chris at the Institute door the next day. Nor did he expect Chris to grab his arm and pull him into a kiss._

_"Never be such a tease again, Alec Lightwood," Chris whispered in his ear. Alec smiled. Nine years wasn't such a big difference, and he did like older men._

When it came down to it, Alec really did love Chris. He loved that Chris forced him out of his comfort zone. Sure, Alec had kissed Magnus in front of everyone, but that was nothing compared to the way that Chris had simply refused to let him hide away again. Chris would take his hand and dance in Angel Square. When talking to Ashleigh, he would refer to Alec as 'daddy' and that simple sentiment lit up Alec's whole world. And when Chris proposed, Alec could almost convince himself that Magnus was nothing but the past.

  " _Come on, dad, dad's waiting," Rory called out. It was still strange, hearing Rory call him 'dad'. Rory had taken longer than Ashleigh, but then, he was older._

_"Rory, calm down. I'm coming. What could your father possibly have planned?" He laughed as the eight year old grabbed his hand and pulled him along. It still amazed Alec that Chris had moved to New York on a hunch that Alec might be the one who would accept him, no exceptions. It seemed an awful lot to risk on a 19 year old boy. (Alec didn't dare call himself a man. A man would have chosen Magnus that night.)_

_"Just trust me, dad. Dad said that you would love it," Rory told him. Alec's influence had changed Rory. He was a lot more respectful, and much better behaved. Though the energy had not gone away. Rory dragged him through the halls of the Institute as though Alec hadn't grown up within them, as though he hadn't chased Izzy and Jace through them, as though Max hadn't done the exact same thing only a few years ago._

_"Rory, that's enough. You're going to make him dizzy," Chris said. How he was suddenly right in front of him, Alec would never know._

_"Me? Dizzy? Alec said mockingly. What he didn't say was that dizzy took on a whole new meaning when the furniture danced around you as fingers trailed across skin. But Chris didn't know about that. Only one person knew about that.   Chris laughed. Ashleigh peeked out from behind him, and then ran into Alec's arms._

_"Daddy!" Alec chuckled at her._

  " _Hey, baby girl. Do you know what daddy's planning for me?" Ashleigh shook her head ._

_"I dunno daddy," she said with a giggle. Alec smiled at her._

_"By the Angel, Chris, what is it that you want?" Chris looked flustered, which was Alec's first clue._

_"I love you. I realize that you are much younger than me-"_

_"I like older guys. The age difference doesn't matter to me," Alec said, interrupting him. He didn't say why it would be stupid if nine years mattered to him._

_"Alec, please let me do this," Chris said that was Alec's second clue. "I almost talked myself out of it. I realize that there aren't a lot of not heterosexual Shadowhunters. And for awhile, I was convinced that there's no way that you really wanted me. After all, I have two kids, and they aren't full Shadowhunter.. But it was thinking about these two, that convinced me that this was right," he said, pulling Rory towards him and taking Ashleigh's hand.   Rory looked up at Alec, the image of mischief. Ashleigh smiled at him, totally innocent. And Alec put it together._

_"Yes." He said simply. Chris looked at him confused._

_"Yes? I didn't even-" he didn't get the chance to finish because Alec was kissing him._

  " _I love you too. Now, give me your ring, and I will give you mine later," he said. Getting his ring back would mean asking Jace to go to Magnus's, but oh well. It was time to move on._

  Jace was happy for him when Alec announced his engagement. He was confused why his Lightwood ring was at Magnus's after all this time, or in general really, but he was happy that Alec was figuring out something to do with his life. Chris and Alec married a month later.

  Alec thought back on the last decade. He was happy. Really happy. He had kids--that was something he had long accepted he would never have, it wasn't like the Clave was going to hand a warlock and Shadowhunter couple any--and a husband that loved him. Everything seemed perfect and beautiful. He was happy, but he wasn't caught up in love, it it wasn't the overwhelming passion that there was with Magnus. It wasn't as intense.

  Alec had to admit to himself that he still missed it.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone had better appreciate this, what with the number of formatting issues I had. Comments always welcome, and I reply to all of them. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Love, Starlight


	4. I'm Sorry For Breaking Your Heart

Magnus sat down on his bed, exhausted from crying every step of the way home. He wasn't sure if he wanted to kill Jace for never telling him that Alec had married or thank him.

On one hand, this _hurt._ Magnus had loved before, he had loved so deeply, and had had his heart broken a hundred times  because of it. He was no stranger to this type of pain, but no one else had ever made him want to shatter his very being. No one else had ever made him consider returning to his father just to end the misery that he was in. 

On the other, Magnus would never have believed Jace had he told him. Jace wasn't a liar, not when it came to his  _parabatai,_ but Magnus knew that he would have needed the confirmation. He knew that he would have searched for  the Shadowhunter until he had to admit that it was true. That his beautiful blue eyed nephilim had really moved on. 

That thought sent another pang to his heart. Magnus knew that he and Alec were doomed from the start. He always knew that Alec would be forced to leave him. Alec was mortal, after all. He always knew that Alexander Lightwood could not remain his throughout eternity. But he had never pictured Alec leaving by choice. Had it really been 12 years? It still felt like yesterday when Alec crushed him. 

_The night was clear as he magicked his way up to the roof that he saw Alec on. Alec, who, even after Magnus took his young and inexperienced heart and left it bleeding in the subway, went through hell for Magnus. Alec, who had killed for Magnus. Selfless, perfect Alec. Magnus was an idiot to let him slip through his fingers._

_“Hey,” he said, startling the boy. Alec looked up at him. He wasn't the image of innocence anymore. He looked so much older now._

_“Hey. How are you?” Magnus knew that for Alec, this wasn't small talk; it was a genuine question._

_“_ _Well, now that I'm out of Edom, I'm able to use my magic again. Your people are impossible to negotiate with. Don't any of you know the meaning of mercy?”_ _The question came out before Magnus could think it over. Alec glared at him._

_“Not really. Mercy is not a value most of us are taught to embrace,” he answered_ _calmly._

_“You did,” Magnus whispered, thinking back to their first date and the werewolf girl._

_“Well, I'm hardly normal,” Alec said back. That broke Magnus in two. Alec wasn't normal. He was brilliant. Though that was not what Alec had meant._

_“No, you're not. You fell in love with a Downworlder,” Magnus said, handing him a simple spiral bound notebook. “Do you love him still?”_

_Alec took the notebook and looked at him with a look of curiosity. Magnus was afraid to breathe. Then Alec nodded._

_“What is this?” Alec asked, holding up the notebook. Magnus sighed._

_“Something that Catarina had to help me with. It's my life._ _Not all of it, but some of the important bits. I could always write more, I you wanted-” With that, Alec kissed him._

_Magnus wrapped his arms around the Shadowhunter boy, and pulled him closer. He had missed this, the way they just fit together. The way that Alec's hands found themselves in Magnus's hair, messing up what would have taken a mundane hours to do. The way that Magnus's own fingers would always end up in Alec's belt loops. They both always lost control, and Magnus loved it. He couldn't remember the last love of his that made him lose control like Alec did. He was never going to let Alexander Lightwood go again. But just as Magnus thought that, Alec broke away._

_“I love you. I do, but I can't do this right now,” he said, handing the notebook back to him, and jumping down from the roof with Shadowhunter skill, leaving Magnus with no explanation as to why._

_It was Jace that found him hours later, a crying mess, still whispering Alec's name._

_“You poor bastard. By the Angel, you really did love him,” Jace said, pulling Magnus up by the hands. Too out of it to even care that this was Jace, Magnus just let Alec's_ parabatai _guide him back to Magnus's dead friend's house. Jace took him upstairs._

_“Listen to me, Magnus. Alec loves you. He does, but you hurt him. You really hurt him. You made him question everything that he loved, and then you left. But you also made him brave. He_ _was falling apart without you. Give him time, and he will come back to you,” Jace whispered, standing in the doorway._

_Magnus was still in tears, but he nodded. Time, Magnus could do that. What did he have, but time?_

How had 12 years pass while he sat there, losing himself in others? How had he not noticed Jace age? How had he forget to remember that Alec was mortal? Why did Magnus think that Alec would wait for him to come to his senses?

Magnus saw that notebook still sitting on his nightstand. It had been there since the night that Alec left him. He snatched it as though someone would take it from him. Flipping through the pages, yellowing after all this time, he saw his own handwriting recounting the stories of his past. He couldn't help but wonder, would he write about Alec one day, the way he wrote about everyone in these pages? Would Alec become just another story to tell to the next person who he fell for?

That made tears come to his eyes. Alec should never be just a story. Alec deserved to be more than just words on a page. The Shadowhunters would write about him, and about Jace and Clary, and Simon, too. Izzy's name would be mentioned, as would Magnus's. They would become a story for the nephilim of the future to fall asleep to. A story of love, and magic, and unmatched bravery and loyalty. They would become legends. But that was not Alec. Alec, who got dragged along for the ride, making sure that the recklessness of everyone he cared about didn't get them all killed.

No, Magnus thought, he would never write about Alec. Alec, who told Magnus's demon father no. Alec would always be more than words on a page. Alec would be spoken about, Alec would be the one he told others about first.

But how would this story end? With Magnus in tears, certainly. Even if Alec left his husband, left his kids—Alec had _kids,_ how could Magnus ever ask him to leave them behind—even if Alec came back to him like he always did in Magnus's dreams, Alec would die one day, and this pain would start all over again.

Magnus thought he really should just let Alec live out his life. He was happy, in love. Magnus told him that was all that mattered. It wasn't a lie, not exactly. It was what mattered. Magnus would much have preferred if it was him that Alec was still so hopelessly in love with—did the boy know any other way to be in love—and happy beside.

Thinking it over, Magnus saw two ways this chapter of his life could go. The ending might always be the same, but as they say, it is the journey that counts.

Alec would take the unselfish path. If the roles had been reversed, Alec would let Magnus be. Alec would suffer so that Magnus could be happy. Magnus was not Alec. He was not unselfish. He was really quite the opposite.

Magnus sighed. Was there really any choice here? Magnus was selfish. He always went after what he wanted, and he wanted Alec back in his life. But first, he needed to yell at Jace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This broke my heart while writing it. Thanks for reading. Comments always welcome, and I reply to all of them. I love you all. 
> 
> Starlight


	5. How It Felt Before

Jace woke up to a phone call from his  _ parabatai _ . Once upon a time, this was not uncommon. Once upon a time, hearing a teary Alec saying he made a huge mistake was his morning alarm. It's been ten years since the last call at 6 AM.

“Alec? What's wrong?" His voice was still groggy, and ever so quiet as Clary was asleep next to him.

"He came to my house yesterday. It's been twelve years since…but he came… By the Angel, Jace, what am I supposed to do about this?" With a roll of his eyes, Jace got up out of bed. This was likely to take some time.

"He, as in…" He hated to ask, but he needed to, needed to make Alec say his name. Alec needed to face this.

"Magnus fucking Bane," Alec spit out. Jace thought there was the faint chance that Alec was drunk.

"Does Chris know that your ex-boyfriend has decided that he wants you back in his life?" Jace asked Alec. It was never good to get Alec to dwell on emotions, not while he was in such a vulnerable state.

"Probably. Ashleigh answered the door, and Rory came home while he was there. Angel knows that those kids can't keep a thing from their mother, and she hates me with a passion, so it's likely that she told Chris. Jace, what if I lose Chris? What if I lose my kids?" Alec was certainly drunk. He never rambled like this otherwise.

"Alec, forget about losing Chris. The man adores you. He married you, after all." Jace didn't even mention Ashleigh and Rory. That would be too cruel.

"I know he married me. I married him. And it was beautiful. He was beautiful. And little Ashleigh, walking hand in hand with Rory, they were so happy. But I couldn't help but think what Magnus would be able to do for a wedding." The Angel knew that Jace hated boy talk. He hated being this sappy with anyone other than Clary. He hated it, but he got used to it, because for two years, Alec needed him to be okay with it. Alec needed him, and that was enough for Jace to say what needed to come next.

“Alec, I gave Magnus your address. I have been watching him destroy himself because you were not at his side. He loves you. And you love him,” Jace said.

“But I love—“

“Yes, I know that you love Chris, but you love Magnus, too. You wouldn't be this broken up about it otherwise. I can't tell you what to do next, Alec. But Magnus will be at your house again tomorrow. He will be there and try to win you back. If he does, well, that is up to you,” Jace told Alec and then hung up.

Alec wasn't actually drunk. He just wanted to know what Jace really thought.

 

The next morning, the sound of birds chirping was drowned out by the whooshing of traffic. By the time that Alec woke up, Chris and Rory were already gone. Ashleigh was dancing in the kitchen, as she sang her favorite song, making herself breakfast. Alec thought, as he watched her, that he would miss this. He didn't realize until then that he had already made his choice.

“Hey Ash, can you make me some eggs?” he called out to his daughter. She spun around to face him. Her smile as she laughed was the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen.

“Of course daddy,” she said. Alec grinned.

“Thanks, baby girl. I'll be in the library. We'll eat, then train, alright?” She laughed and nodded. Alec laughed and hugged the girl. It felt like the last time that such bliss would be his. Then there was a knock at the door.

“I got it, you cook,” Alec told his daughter, stepping out of her embrace. Alec took a deep breath as he walked to the door and another as he opened it.

“Hello, may I speak to Alexander—“ Magnus began before seeing that it was Alec who opened the door.

“I thought that you were going to leave me be?” Alec asked, looking into his cat eyes.

“I was, but then I saw this,” Magnus whispered, handing Alec the notebook from all those years ago. Once again, Alec took it in his hands. He flipped through the yellowed pages.

“I was a moron,” Alec said, “I should have taken this and read through everything that night.” That caught Magnus's attention.

“What?” He asked quickly.

“I should have told you I loved you and taken your hands and never let go,” Alec continued, “that's what I wanted to do, actually.” that part he was admitting to himself as much as to Magnus.

“Then why didn't you?” Magnus asked. Alec laughed, running a hand through his hair.

“I was scared. I was an 18 year old boy who had just barely survived two wars. My sister had just had her heart broken. I had just gotten mine shattered. You almost died on me, Magnus,”

“I was alive,” Magnus replied, “and offered you my life. Everything that I was and am. And I might still come to regret this, but it's yours. If the fact that I could not function when you left that night is any indication, that is not about to change.” Alec laughed. This was all so surreal. Between them, it was always all or nothing.

“By the Angel, Magnus, I wish I could still be yours. I'm married. I have kids. I never thought that I would ever be able to say either of those things, and now I'm wishing that I didn't have to,” Alec said, mostly under his breath.

“Hey, daddy, where are you? Food's done!” Ashleigh called out from the kitchen. Alec looked up at Magnus—he was still taller than Alec—and had a slightly brilliant idea.

“Would you like to come meet, actually meet, my daughter?” he asked Magnus, who smiled and nodded. Alec could have sworn that he saw glitter dance down to the sidewalk. The two men walked into the house.

“Ash, I'm in the library with a guest,” Alec called out to her. She went silent, but her feet still danced across the floor. When she reached the library, she saw Magnus and grinned.

“Hello, mister. I'm sorry I don't have food for you, too, but I wasn't expecting you,” she said as she handed Alec his eggs.

“Ashleigh, isn't it?” Magnus asked. She nodded. “Well, you are very pretty. I'm sure your parents are proud.”

“Mom's proud that I'm pretty. Dad and daddy are more proud that I'd be able to kick your ass,” Ashleigh said while laughing. Magnus chuckled.

“Ash, language. And, no, you wouldn't be able to. I can't,” Alec said, glancing over at Magnus.

“That's because you never actually tried, Alexander,” Magnus whispered back. Ashleigh looked between Magnus and her father.

“Well, I'll leave you two. I have a book that I want to finish reading,” she said, dancing out of the library. Alec tried to hide a grin, but looking over at Magnus, he couldn't help it. He started laughing, and shortly after, Magnus joined him.

“I never really tried? What's that supposed to mean?” Alec asked once the giggles stopped

“We were always fighting on the same side,” Magnus told him. Alec thought about everything that the two had gone through, and realized that it was true.

“I really was an idiot,” Alec said.

“No, you weren't. You wanted safe. I'm not safe,” Magnus told him. Alec tilted his head to the side, considering if he really wanted to do this. With a sigh and a grin, Alec said,

“Fuck safe,” and launched himself into a kiss with the warlock. Magnus's arms closed around Alec, and the world made sense again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I'm sorry that it took so long for me to update. Life got...complicated. Anyway, comments are always welcome and I reply to all of them. I love you all,
> 
> Starlight


	6. When We Were Younger And Free

Rory Shadowwood was never very good at being subtle, and he rarely had any interest in being so. So when he walked up to Jace the day after Magnus had shown up at his house, Jace knew there was going to be questions. It really didn’t help that Magnus wasn't there again.

It was Jace who trained Rory for the most part. Jace, and Clary. His fathers were still caught up in each other when Rory was old enough, and Jace was the next best thing. Chris didn't have any family, and no one was going to interrupt Isabelle while she was training Simon. Jace knew Rory's every movement, had instilled them in him from a young age, and they way the boy was walking toward him betrayed anger and curiosity.

“Will, Amanda, why don't you go and help your mother with lunch?” He told his own children. Will sighed and put away his weapons, but Amanda put up more of a fight.

“But Dad, we need to train. When you were our age, you were so much better. Uncle Alec says so,” she said, sounding so much like her uncle it was shocking.

“I was raised by Valentine, who happened to be homicidal and insane. Now, go help your mother,” he said right back. Amanda glared at him but cleaned up and left with her brother. Her mumbling could be heard as the twins left. Jace was glad that Rory had the sense to not mention Magnus with them there.

“Jace, who is Magnus to my dad?” he asked the moment that they left. Jace sighed. He was getting so tired of being the one everyone was going to.

“Chris, to my knowledge, has only ever met Magnus here,” he said. Rory rolled his eyes.

“Not Chris. Alec. Who is Magnus to Alec?” That was the question, wasn't it?

“The truth is, I don't know,” Jace said. It wasn't _technically_ a lie. Jace had no idea what they were at the moment. And then Jace cursed Shadowhunter stubbornness because the next question out of Rory's mouth was, 

“Then who was he?” That question wasn't any easier, but it did have a simple answer. 

“Everything. Once, Magnus was everything to my  _parabatai_ ,” Jace told him, a laugh in his voice as he thought back to when those words were reality. 

 

_Jace noticed that Alec wasn't at training. Again. Honestly, this was getting annoying. He was the only one who was any good at the bow, and Clary needed to learn. Clary herself was currently sparring with Izzy, and was losing, badly, but was okay._

_“Give me a sec, I'll call Alec,” he called out to the girls. Izzy nodded in his direction. She knew exactly where her brother was, and really, she wasn't worried. Alec deserved some happiness and peace. Now if only Jace could figure that out._

_Jace had stepped outside the training room and took out his phone. It only had a few people's numbers in it: Clary, Simon, Izzy, Alec, the Lightwood adults, and Magnus. In reality, he only ever called Clary. He clicked on Alec's name and waited for him to answer._

_“Hello, Blondie, what is it that you want?” That was not the voice he was expecting. In the background, Jace could hear Alec laughing._

_“Why do you have Alec's phone?” Jace asked, playing overprotective best friend for the first time in his life. There was more laughter from Alec._

_“Because at the current moment, I am tickling him, and he is incapable of speaking, let alone answer the phone,” Magnus replied. Jace had heard—and done—a lot of strange things, but a warlock tickling a Shadowhunter and getting away with it was certainly new._

_“You're...tickling him?” He asked just to be sure that he had heard correctly. Magnus laughed, and then said,_

_“Alec, baby, Blondie wants you.” Jace could picture Alec rolling his eyes and blushing. There was the annoying sound that signifies a phone exchanging hands, and then it was Alec on the line._

_“Sorry about him. I'll get him back later,” he said. There was the faint sound of Magnus saying that it had better be in the bedroom when that happened. Jace cringed. He could totally live without hearing that. “Magnus Bane, I am on the phone!” Alec yelled back at him._

_“Right. You do realize that my girlfriend needs training,” Jace said, “and you are the only one who can show her archery?” Alec laughed. It was weird hearing him laugh so much, Jace decided. That was not like the Alec that he knew._

_“Have Simon do it. He's not terrible, well, he's better than you and Izzy, at least. I'm busy,” Alec said._

_“In case you have forgotten, Simon isn't allowed inside the Institute. He's a vampire. A very special vampire, but still a vampire. He shouldn't have been there while he was a mundie, and he's really not allowed here now,” Jace replied._

_“Then take them somewhere else. Luke's farm, maybe. I am really busy, Jace,” Alec told him. Jace was flabbergasted. Alec had never refused him with such insistence before._

_“Alexander, please hurry up, it's game day,” Magnus called from another room._

_“Coming, Magnus. Give me a few minutes. Jace, I can't come. Get Simon, or train her in something else for the day,” he said and hung up. Jace stood in the hallway with his mouth wide open in shock._

 

“What do you mean, 'everything'?” Rory asked. Jace chuckled. 

“Just that, Ror. Magnus Bane was the world to Alec. It was for Magnus that he came out. He did it in such a dramatic way, too. For that one moment, Alec's issues out-shined me and Clary's,” Jace said, remembering the kiss in front of most of the Clave  all those years ago. 

“Seriously, that was Alec?” Obviously, this generation had heard of that day, though apparently no names were given. Jace laughed again. 

“Yep. That was the same day that Clary created the Alliance rune,” Jace said, though he knew that Rory didn't need the history lesson. 

“If Magnus meant everything to my dad, why aren't they together?” He asked Jace. This was the part that Jace wasn't able to really explain. 

“I honestly don't know. I know that Alec made a mistake and that Magnus left him. I know that Alec went through hell—quite literally—to win him back. Alec actually killed for him. But when it comes down to it, I'm not sure why he let Magnus go,” Jace said in a whisper.  Rory looked at Jace and saw that he was torn. Jace had ties to both Alec and Magnus, and now Rory, too. He wanted everyone to be happy, but that wasn't really possible. 

“Where is he, Jace?” Rory asked just as quietly. Jace sighed. 

“You know where he is, Rory,” Jace said. “You can go home, if you want, I can take care of Will and Amanda.” Rory only nodded and left. 

 

It was strange to think of his dad in love with someone other than his father. For so long it had been him, Ashleigh, and their dads. The four of them, with the occasional visit from Chrisalai. That was the world that Rory knew, and it was the one that he wanted to stay in. It was still warm, being that it was only September, even though the leaves would hit him in the face as the fell. He was laying down in the park by his house, almost afraid of what he would see if he went home. 

He remembered first meeting Alec and thinking that he was one of the most talented Shadowhunters he had ever met. He was also s ix , but the impression had turned out to be correct. When his dad—Chris—told him that he was going to ask Alec to marry him, Rory was so happy that Alec was always going to be a part of his life.  It was a dream come true. He remembered holding Ashleigh's hand walking down the aisle on their wedding day and seeing his dad so happy. It had been ten years since the wedding, and the memory was a little fuzzy, but the feeling was still crystal clear. 

Rory stood up and dusted the dirt and leaves off his pants. 

 

Walking in, he saw his sister doing pushups in the living room. When she saw him, she stopped. 

“Hey, what are you doing home already?” She asked, tucking her legs underneath her. 

“Jace said we were done for the day,” he said, the lie quick on his lips. He didn't know why he lied. “Where's dad?” he asked her. 

“In the library, where else?” she said, rolling her eyes. Rory would have laughed if he didn't have so much on his mind, and Ashleigh knew it. “Rory, what's wrong?” He shook his head and started walking towards the library. 

“What, Ash?” He asked when her hand closed around his arm. 

“He's got a guest, just so you know,” she told him. Rory rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, of course he does.” He said under his breath and jerked his hand out of sister's grip. 

 

Standing outside the library door was perhaps not the best of ideas. Rory overheard Magnus saying that it was fine that Alec left him, and though the words were kind, Rory could hear sadness in his voice.  And then he heard Alec move. At that, Rory couldn't take it any longer. He opened the door to find his father in the arms of the man he taught with on a daily basis. He saw lips connected, and he felt his heart shatter. Tears began to form, and he dropped to his knees right in front of them. Ashleigh came running in at the noise, and Alec pulled away from Magnus to see his children. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the last chapter had some very mixed reactions. Sorry that that isn't fixed just yet. Thank you for reading. Comments are always welcome, and I reply to all of them. I love you all, 
> 
> Starlight


	7. From The Other Side

“This is getting ridiculous, Chris. Honestly, Alec loves me and the kids. Stop thinking he's going to hurt us,” Christopher Shadowwood said to the fey girl who was the mother of his children. She merely rolled her eyes at the foolish mortal boy—man now, she supposed—who had much too much faith in something that was based on lies of omission.

“Really, Christopher. Alexander Lightwood is a man of much gossip among the Downworlder and Shadowhunter communities alike. He dated a warlock. A very powerful warlock, at that,” she said, still thinking that Chris was an idiot.

“I know that, Chrisalai. Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he's a bad person,” he said, getting tired of the age-old argument. He sat down on the grass like he used to do when he and she were still hopelessly in love.

“I didn't say that he was a bad person. He's just someone I don't want around my children,” she pouted at him. It was his turn to roll his eyes.

“Well, it's a little late for that, as I married him. A decade ago, actually. I know that time means nothing to you, but to Ash, well, she doesn't know anything else. Rory trains with Alec's _parabatai._ Alec is a part of their lives,” he said as she scrunched up her nose in a disappointed fashion.

“Married? Now, why would you do that?” She asked. Chris sighed. This, too, was an argument that Chris did not feel like having again.

“Because I love him and he loves me. It's really not complicated,” he told her as he unpacked the picnic basket full of food from Taki's.

“Right, because someone who kissed a warlock in front of the Clave was suddenly in love with you a year later,” she said, her voice full of sarcasm, “and Taki's, really?” Chris shrugged, unfazed by her snobbish look towards the food.

“Hey, don't complain. If you would have called ahead and let me know that you were back, I would have gone shopping. Deal with it. And he does love me,” he said, half kidding. The banter between the two was always easy, and that didn't change when she decided to leave him.

“All I'm saying is that he hasn't told you _who_ he was with. I'm fey, Christopher. I know how to deceive with omission and I can recognize it from a mile away,” she said picking at a piece of...something.

“I never asked. He was at the center of two wars. He was trying to leave it behind him,” he told her. Once again, she just rolled her eyes.

“Okay. Now tell me, how are our children?” Chrisalai was many things, but a bad mother, Chris thought, was not among them.

She did leave when they were little, and Ashleigh may not remember her, but she did not leave them alone. She arranged to have them protected by all the fey who lived in the parks, and the mermaids in the rivers. She had made it clear that they may be Shadowhunters, but they were also fey, and, therefore, granted safety in Faerieland if the need arose. Though it took forever to convince Alec of it, Chrisalai had not abandoned her children.

“I did follow your wish of having Ash trained away from everyone else. According to Alec, she's going to be quite the archer. Rory helps train at the Institute,” he told her grinning. He didn't really like to brag, but he was quite proud of his kids. Chrisalai smiled. She was proud, too. Maybe that Shadowhunter was worth something after all.

“According to a few of my friends, Ashleigh spends a lot of time in the parks around the city,” Chrisalai said to him. He nodded.

“She's a bit out of her element when it comes to people. She feels more comfortable in the parks. Alec's taken to training her there instead of at the Institute or at our house. She's talented but as no one to test her,” he told her back, clearly concerned about his daughter's shyness.

“What about Alexander? Does he not test her?” Chris laughed.

“Alec's her dad. Of course not.” Chris watched as the fey girl tensed as he referred to Alec as their daughter's father.

“She is not his,” she whispered. Chris sighed.

“Yes, she is, Chris. Alec loves her as much as I do, as much as you do,” he whispered, taking her hands.

“She whispers to the plants, Christopher. She told them that a man came to your house yesterday. She did not know who he was, the fey that she did not know were listening to, they knew,” she said, mostly to herself. Though he now looked much older than her, she still saw the younger man she had fallen in love with. She did not wish to break his heart.

“Alec has many friends, Chris. It could have been Simon. Ash has never met him,” he said. She shook her head quickly.

“It was not the no-longer Daylighter. It was a warlock by the name of Magnus Bane.” Even to Chris, the words sounded forced, as though she didn't want to tell him, but still thought that he needed to know.

Alec had told Chris about his past love, of course. Chris knew that Alec had married him even though he still felt love for the warlock. And maybe that was a mistake, but it had turned out okay for both of them. Alec wanted to forget, and Chris...Chris wanted a family. It had worked out well for both of them as they truly fell in love. Chris hadn't pried. And maybe that, too, was a mistake, because Chrisalai was nearing tears as the name Magnus Bane left her lips. It was one that Chris knew; he heard his son say it often enough.

“He's a friend of Rory's, Chris. I'm sure it's fine,” Chris told Chrisalai in a whisper. He hated how this girl could make him doubt a decade of happiness.

“Magnus Bane, a friend of my son? I sincerely doubt it. Last I heard of the man he was sleeping his way through all the black haired blue eyed males in New York because a pretty Shadowhunter broke his heart—“

“Chrisalai, you are hardly the spokesperson for proper behavior,” he said to stop her rampage. She stopped speaking and sighed.

“I told you it would be temporary, Christopher. Do not go blaming me for you not heeding my warning,” she said, running her hands through her hair.

“Temporary? We have children. Two of them. And don't even pretend that you didn't fall for me as hard as I fell for you,” he told her standing up. She didn't deny it. Fey couldn't lie. “Now, unless you can come up with a topic of conversation other than my husband cheating on me, I will be going.” He brushed the imaginary dirt off his gear and walked away from her. 

"Just ask him, Christopher, what role Magnus Bane played in his life. You won't believe me though I cannot lie. Perhaps you'll believe him, was the last thing that he heard.

 

Christopher Shadowwood told himself that he didn't believe a word that the faerie girl told him. He told himself that she must have gotten the wrong information. Alec was loyal. That might as well have been his middle name. Alec didn't know how to be anything else. Everyone from Jace and Isabelle to Clary and Simon had told him as much when he and Alec had started dating. He wanted to believe it so badly. He wanted to believe that Chrisalai was wrong. But she had gotten under his skin, and made him doubt Alec. It was terrible, this reaction. He felt as though he should have more faith in the man he married. He had had faith enough to drop everything and go to Alec's side before he even knew him.

Back then, however, Chrisalai wasn't there to make him question anything.

Chris walked home as these thoughts flew through his brain.

 

The first thing he noticed when he got close to home was Rory screaming. It had been years since the boy would yell like that.

“How _dare_ you? He loves you,” was all that Chris could hear. He entered the house to see a man that he just barely recognized talking to his daughter.

“Ash, who is this?” He asked her. She simply glared at the man and said,

"Magnus Bane." Chris felt shivers go down his spine. Rory was yelling again, but this time, Chris couldn't decipher what was being said. 

“Listen to me, Rory. I do love him. I love your father. You know that ” Chris could hear Alec say.

“Really? Then why were you kissing that stupid warlock?” Chris's eyes glanced to Magnus. He was shocked to see that there was remorse in the man's face.

“You must be Christopher. I apologize. I had not intended for this to happen,” Magnus said quietly.

“What did happen?” Chris asked just as quietly.

“I came to my senses after 12 years of being heartbroken, only to act like an idiot. I only found out that he was married yesterday. I should not have come again,” Magnus replied. Chris let out a sad chuckle.

“No, perhaps not. Please leave.” And Magnus, for once in his life, did as he was told.

Chris had never known Chrisalai to be wrong. And it broke his heart that she still wasn't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so terribly sorry for how long this took. I know, I'm horrible at updating. Anyway, thank you for reading. Any comments are always welcome and I reply to all of them. I love you all,
> 
> Starlight


	8. It Don't Matter

Chris wished that he could be mad at Alec. He really wished that he could be. But he wasn't. He was numb. It was as though Alec had taken his heart and tore it away, taking all emotion with it. Chris was all logic now and all he cared about understanding was how and why. He wanted the details, even though he knew they were going to burn worse than rubbing alcohol on a fresh cut. And so, he walked into the room where his son was shouting at his husband.

Rory's hands were balled up into fists, though still at his side. That was something rare: Rory holding back his temper.

“You say you love dad, but why? Why Magnus? How do you even know Magnus? You never go to the Institute!" Rory shouted, not noticing his father walk into the room. Alec sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Chris saw pain in Alec's eyes and that he understood. But right now, he decided that sympathy would not be his choice. In a quiet voice that was very unlike him, Chris said,

“Answer him.” Alec and Rory both turned to face him in the doorway. Alec groaned loudly, then slouched his shoulders in defeat.

“Rory, please go,” he said to his son. Rory glanced at Chris who just nodded. Rory shot one more glare in Alec's direction, then walked out.

The room was cold though Alec could have sworn that it was warm just moments before. From down the hall, Alec could hear his children dealing with this in their own ways. Ashleigh's music playing loudly and Rory throwing blades at walls. The familiarity of their coping mechanisms put Alec at ease. Then he realized that he had no right to be at ease.

"Answer the questions, Alexan—Alec," Chris said, hating that even now, he adhered to the name that Alec preferred. A deep breath and Alec began to talk:

“To start with Chris, I do love you. Please don't doubt that. I had met Magnus when I was seventeen. It was at his house, a party that Clary—whom I barely knew and basically hated at the time—dragged us to because Magnus had altered her memories on her mother's orders.

“Magnus was, by the Angel, Magnus was beautiful. As glamorous as always, though I did not know that at the time. He singled me out. Not Jace. Not Izzy. Me. Somehow he knew that I'm gay. He told me to call him. The next time that we had interacted, I didn't know about it until Izzy told me later because I was dying. He saved me. Call it reckless, call it stupid, but I swear I was half in love with him when I went to thank him for it. Our first date was far from what I was expecting, but it was certainly brilliant. He was the one that I kissed in front of the Clave. I did promise him that I would stop hiding him if we survived a fight, and we obviously lived, so I did that. Everyone's reactions were priceless.

“He broke up with me. He said he loved me, he kissed me, and then he walked away. I can admit now that I should not have talked to Camille. I can admit now that I was wrong. But it still hurt and it was even more devastating when he went missing. We got back from Edom, all of us intact somehow. And he came to me, asking if I would have him back—"

“Why didn't you?” Chris asked, interrupting the string of words. Alec put his head in his hands and laughed.

“Because I needed to see what I was without him. It seemed so often that everyone only wanted me around to get to Magnus. I was the key to his magic. I needed to see what I was to everyone without having him there. And I needed to heal. He had shattered me, completely. It took him forever to realize what he had done, but he had done it nonetheless. I did have every intention of going back to him—it was Magnus after all—bu then you and Ash and Rory happened. I fell in love with the little girl that you handed me that night,” Alec answered.

Chris did not know what to feel at this new information. Alec being hopelessly in love before him, just barely before him, at that. But his story made sense. It was Alec rushing head first into something, just like his sister and _parabatai_. While they rushed into battle, he rushed into love.

“How did he come to be here, in our house?” Chris asked, because while the rest of Alec's story was good to know, it was not the information that Chris needed to know.

"That would be Jace's fault. I am not blaming him for my actions because they were my actions, but it was Jace that gave Magnus our address. How I came to be kissing him, well, that was me being a complete idiot. Just to be clear, I kissed him. Please do not be mad at him. It is my fault,” Alec said, quietly.

Chris sighed and took a deep breath.

“Listen to me, Alec, because I am only going to say this once,” he said. Alec nodded. “We are done. I love you, but I will not be second best,”

“You're not—“

"If I wasn't, this wouldn't have happened. You rushed into us, not being over him, and I can understand that. It doesn't matter. Rory is old enough to decide if he wants to see you or not. I will not force him to. Ashleigh however, we will need to talk to her about this. I don't want to take her from her father. She's been your little girl from the moment you two met," Chris said softly. With that, Alec knew that he wouldn't be seeing his son for quite a while and that none of this would be easy for Ashleigh. 

"I'm sorry," Alec whispered. Chris looked at him and nodded. 

“I know you are.”

 

Later that day, when Alec was all packed, he called Jace to inform him that he was moving back into the Institute. To his dismay, Jace didn't even seem surprised.

“Of course. You can have your old room,” was all Jace had said on the matter.

Alec had tried to talk to Rory before he left, had no such luck. He knocked on the boy's bedroom door, said that it was him, and in a few seconds instead of someone opening it, there was the sound of a blade hitting it. Alec walked away.

 

Talking to Ashleigh was something that neither man actually wanted to do. This was not going to be fun for her. She loved her parents so much, and they did not want to break her heart.

“Ash, I'm not going to be living here anymore,” Alec said to her.

“Because of Magnus, I know. Rory told me this was likely to happen,” she replied. In that moment, Alec regretted raising them to be so close.

"Yes, well, it is happening. We wanted to ask you what you wanted to do," Chris said, standing in the doorway of her room. To both men's ' surprise, she reached under her bed and grabbed a small bag filled with clothes.

“I'm going with Daddy,” she said, as though it was obvious.

“Ash, I'm going to the Institute. You've never been there,” Alec told her. She only rolled her eyes.

“It's not like I'm going to be alone. I'll have you. And if it ever gets to be too much, I can just come back here,” she said, looking at Chris, “right, Dad?”

“Of course you can always come back here. Actually, if you insist on going with him, I want you here every weekend, is that clear?” She nodded quickly, and jumped and out her door, ready to tell her brother.

“Are you sure about this, Chris? About her coming with me?” Alec asked.

“Not at all, and we will have to talk this through later, but right now, this needs to go smoothly. For her,” he answered.

“Tell Rory I love him. He won't let me in to talk.” Chris nodded.

“Please, just go,” he said, not looking at Alec.

“Goodbye, then. I'll call to let you know that Ash is safely at the Institute,” Alec told him, leaving his daughter's bedroom.

“Ash, let's go!” Alec called to her. She came running to him from her brother's room.

“Bye, Rory. See you later!” She said as she grabbed the bag that she had already packed and bolted out the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. As this is something that comes up a lot, I wish to address it here. Yes, cheating is wrong. Yes, Alec cheated on Chris. No, that does not make him a bad person. It makes him someone who makes mistakes. Alec is someone who accepts the consequences of the mistakes he makes, and I intend to maintain that. Please keep in mind that reality is messy and things like this do happen. Thank you for reading. Comments are always welcome and I reply to all of them. Love, 
> 
> Starlight


	9. Can You Hear Me

Ashleigh couldn't sleep. This place was foreign to her. These people were her family, and they were kind enough to her, but she didn't know them. She didn't even know how to get to Daddy from the room that Aunt Clary said could be hers. Hers. That meant that she would be staying here. She knew she would be, but this, this was real.

This was scratchy blankets that Uncle Jace had pulled from a closet because he didn't know that Ashleigh would be coming with. This was Will and Amanda with their strawberry blonde hair and their mother's eyes running through the halls, forgetting that she didn't know where she was. This was Daddy handing her her bow and telling her to show Uncle Jace that she knew what she was doing. This was her failing to hit the target because she was nervous. This was freaking out when Will managed to beat her when Daddy and Uncle Jace had them spar. This was not home.

Ashleigh kicked the blankets that irritated her skin away and slid on her slippers. It was late, late enough for the twins to be asleep and the adults to be out. Maybe she might actually be able to explore on her own. This place was not home, but it would have to be. For Daddy. The floor here was wooden, and by all rights, it should have creaked when she walked, but she was a Shadowhunter, despite her poor performance earlier that day, and she knew how to walk in silence. Daddy had taught her.

It was dark here, though Ashleigh was used to the dark. She liked the dark. There were less people there. She walked around, tracing the walls with her fingers, memorizing the feel of the paint, how many steps were between the doors, wanting to make sure she could do this on her own. She closed her eyes and let her feet and hands guide her. One foot in front of the other, wait, there's a door, lift your hand and one, two, three, back on bare walls. Keep moving, find your way. Seeing isn't required for that. Then, a hand on her wrist, and her eyes snapped open as she tugged it back to her body and ran. She was silent as she moved, but there was the sound of feet slamming against the floor. Why couldn't people just leave her alone?

“Wait up, won't you?” Will called to her. His voice caused her to stop dead in her tracks. He kept running, and not noticing that she had stopped, ran right into Ashleigh. Together they tumbled down to the ground. Will's hands landed on each side of her face. This was not right, not right, he needed to get off her now. As if he had heard the thoughts in her head, Will pushed himself up and sat down on his heels. He offered his hand to Ashleigh, but she didn't take it. She, too, sat back on her heels.

“Why'd you let me win?' Will asked her once the silent staring got to be too much for him. The words jarred Ashleigh from the peace of it.

“What? I didn't let you,” she told him.

“Yeah, you did. You were holding back. Why?” Holding back? That's what he thought she was doing?

“I wasn't holding back. I just couldn't focus,” He shrugged.

“Same difference. You weren't at your best, and I just barely beat you. Amanda wouldn't have stood a chance,” he said. This shocked Ashleigh.

“You've such little faith in your sister,” she replied.

“Nah, I know she's good. But you're better.” All this attention was getting to Ashleigh. Her thoughts began to cloud and jumble and suddenly, she was crying. Will leapt to his feet. Crying girls was not his strong suit. Amanda did not cry.

“Hey, what did I say? Are okay?” She shook her head. She was so far from okay. “Ashleigh, look. I don't know much about what's going on with your dads. But you don't have to do this alone. You don't have to be happy about it,” He said in a whisper.

“I know that. I do. But Rory's already taken the pissed off route. Daddy—Alec—doesn't need to be yelled at by both of us,” she stuttered out. Will looked at the girl that he knew was his cousin but had never met. She wasn't as pale as he thought she would be. He was told that she was quiet and didn't like strangers. He had assumed that she rarely left the house. That didn't seem to be true—she was darker than Rory. They had the same hair though, light brown and messy. Hers was slightly longer than her brother's.

“You look like him, Ash, but you aren't Rory. And you aren't your dad. It isn't up to you to find out what he deserves for doing this. What you get to do is go about your life, training and having fun. And I can promise you, Ash, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there.” Will said, offering his hand to the girl on the floor. She looked at it for a minute, then took it. She pulled herself up with his support.

“Can you, can you take me back to my room? I don't know where I am,” she asked after a few seconds. Will smiled.

“Yeah. Come on,” he said, dragging her by the hand he still held.

 

“This isn't my room, Will,” Ashleigh complained. He laughed.

“No, it's me and Amanda's,” he said knocking on the door. Ashleigh was confused. The Institute had many rooms. Why did they share one?

“Damn it Will, why have you been gone so long?” Amanda said when she opened the door. Ashleigh hid behind Will. Amanda was intimidating.

“Oh shut up. You'll scare her away again,” he told her, pushing his sister inside, “come on in, Ash.” Ashleigh wasn't sure about this. She didn't know them. Will was nice. Will, she liked. She didn't know about Amanda.

“Are you sure?” she asked quietly. Will turned around.

“Of course. C'mon. You don't have to talk if you don't want to. But you do have to get used to us, and that includes my idiot of a sister,” he said, taking her hand once more.

“I'm not an idiot, moron. I know more about runes than you ever will,”Amanda said, hitting Will on the head.

“Runes don't like me. They burn my skin more than they should,” Ashleigh whispered.

“That's right, you're part Faerie. So you were out of it, and runeless and still nearly kicked my butt? I told you, Amanda, she's great!” Ashleigh grinned. This was weird. She hated that their attention was on her, but it was nice to know that they thought she was skilled.

“Yeah, I heard about that. Dad was impressed. I'm happy that you're here—“ Amanda stopped talking when she saw that Ashleigh had stopped paying attention.

“It's okay. You can be happy. It's not like it's going to change anything if you're not. Just, don't expect me to share the sentiment. Is he nice?” The words escaped her before Ashleigh had even thought them.

“Is who nice, Ash?” That was Will. Amanda had learned her mistake.

“Magnus,” she answered. The look that passed between the twins was all she really needed, but Will answered her nonetheless.

“He is, most of the time. He doesn't really like being around me, but Tessa says that's not my fault.” Ashleigh nodded, lost in thought.

“Hey, let's get some sleep, you can have my bed. Me and Will can share,” Amanda said to her, ignoring the _what are you doing?_ look from Will. 

“Thank you,” Ashleigh said, sitting down on the blankets. They were much softer than the ones in her own room.  The twins were talking, though she wasn't really paying attention to them. They were close, like her and Rory. Rory. It was wrong to not have him there. To not be able to go to his room and sit up together until she felt better. Perhaps that was why Will and Amanda shared this room. They couldn't stand to leave the other alone. Ashleigh thought that made sense and laid her head on the unfamiliar pillow and let herself fall asleep. 

 

Alec sat in his room alone. The walls were thicker here in the Institute, but Will Herondale was not a quiet child. Had it not been for him, Alec would not have known that his daughter was outside his door. He had trained her well, it seemed. It should have been him to comfort Ashleigh, and not Jace's kid. But Alec was glad that Will had taken her in. She needed someone to be. 

“Thank you, Will,” Alec whispered into the darkness when the two had left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the wait. Comments are always welcome and I reply to all of them. Thank you for reading. I love you all,   
> Starlight


	10. It's So Typical Of Me

Rory wasn’t used to the silence that had taken the house by storm that night. Before then, he did not understand how some people said that silence was deafening. But he got it as he sat on his bed too pissed off to sleep. He understood that in silence you heard nothing but yourself. You hear your heartbeat, your breath, your every thought. You can’t escape any of it because there is nothing else to distract you. Rory sat there on his bed, his ears straining to hear the nonexistent music from the room next to his—Ashleigh always had it playing—forced to confront his own thoughts.

There was no denying that he was angry. He didn’t idolize Alec the way his sister did. He didn’t think that the ground Alec walked on was as holy as a church. He didn’t love Alec for Alec’s sake, but for his father’s. Rory loved the way that his dad smiled the day that he and Alec had met. Rory was only a kid, but even then he could tell that this dark haired man—teenager, really—was different in his father’s eyes. Rory didn’t understand exactly what was happening, but he was able to watch Alec bring his father back to life. Chris had started to laugh and smile, even when he didn’t know that someone was watching. Rory loved Alec for making his dad happy. Now he was pissed that the same man who had brought light and life back crushed it with a single kiss. He was pissed that it was Magnus who had helped. He was just so infuriated with the whole situation that he wasn’t sure who, exactly, he was blaming, Alec or Magnus.

He didn’t want to blame either of them. He loved Alec. He was who he was because of Alec. And Magnus. By the Angel, Magnus was the closest thing Rory had to a friend. Sure, Will and Amanda were great and all, but they were his students. Magnus was the only person he wasn’t related to who he spent time with. This hurt too much. This was too much betrayal in one fucked up mess that Rory didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or kill something. If he went out on a patrol, he could do all three in relative peace, but he did not want to leave Chris alone. So instead, he got up—there was no way sleep was going to happen—and began to search the house for his father.

That was the best decision that Rory could have made that night, as Chris was sitting in the library, in the red chair that Alec had bought years ago simply because it could fit the two of them if they ever wanted to. They had spent many a night in that chair, fast asleep curled in each other's arms, Alec’s head resting on Chris’s shoulder, books long since fallen to the floor.

Rory half expected to see that ever so familiar scene when he walked into the library, but no. It was just Chris, staring blankly into the room that he had made sure the house had for Alec.

“Dad?’ Rory said hesitantly. Chris hadn’t even bothered to look up. Soft footsteps brought Rory to his father. He sat down at Chris’s feet, the way he had when they first moved into this house and he wanted to hear a story. “Dad, I’m sorry,” he said, not sure why he was apologizing. That got a reaction from Chris.

“Don’t, please, just don’t,” was all he said, his voice catching slightly on the ‘please’. Rory had never really been the physically affectionate type, with Ashleigh being the only exception, but he reached out and took his father’s hand anyway.

“It’s so quiet without her here,” he whispered. Chris nodded.

“It is,” was all he said. Rory sighed. This was not what he thought was going to happen, not that he really had a plan in mind when he searched for his father. It hurt to see him this heartbroken.

“She’ll be fine, you know that, right? He loves her,” Rory said, just to fill the silence.

“I’m not worried about Ash, Ror. I know Alec is going to take care of her; she is his daughter, too,” Chris replied.

“Then tell me how to help, please. This isn’t like you, dad.” Chris chuckled, a sound that was devoid of any actual humor.

“This isn’t something you can fix. I hope you never understand what this feels like,” he said, slumping back into the chair. “How about you go back to your room? Get some sleep,” he told his son. Rory hesitated, hating the look of utter despair on his father’s face, but did eventually stand and return to his room, the silence from his sister's room still shocking to his ears.

 

Rory, for the first time in his life, felt entirely useless. His family was falling apart, and he didn’t know how to fix it. He wasn’t even sure he could fix it. Alec had cheated. There was no coming back from that. What was really confusing is that it was Alec who had done it. Alec, who was the living definition of loyal to a fault. He was loyal to the Clave, loyal to Jace, and Rory thought, loyal to Chris. The more that Rory thought about it, Alec had to have done it on impulse. This could not have been planned. Somehow, that thought made him feel a bit better. Alec hadn’t meant to destroy everything. It just sort of happened. That fit Alec a lot more than the picture of a diabolical mastermind that had been slowly forming in Rory’s head. At least this way, once Rory got over the fact that his once perfect little family was gone, he could forgive Alec and go back to loving his father. He wasn’t there yet, but it was possible in the future, and for the night, that would have to be enough.

Rory laid down on his bed, the events of the day running through his mind. Somewhere in the back of his head, he wanted to believe that this was all just a bad dream and Alec would knock on his door in the morning, waking him up and telling him to go to the Institute. He ran a hand through his hair. It was hard to accept that that wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t want to accept that it wasn’t going to happen. He didn’t even want to think about how hard Ashleigh must be taking this. She loved both of their parents, of course, but he knew that she was much closer to Alec.

And the anger was back, full force. Rory grabbed the nearest object—a book on demon languages that Alec had given to him on his last birthday—and threw it at the wall with a scream. He heard Chris run up the steps, which was in and of itself a testament to how much this was affecting his father. There was a slight knock on his door.

“Come in,” Rory said. The door opened and his father stepped in. Without saying a word, he walked over to the bed and sat down. “Why are you here?” Rory asked.

“I keep forgetting that this affects you, too,” Chris admitted.

“I’m fine, dad,” Rory protested. Chris smiled, which brought one to his son’s face.

“I think the wall would say otherwise,” Chris told him.

“None of it makes sense. I didn’t even know that Magnus knew dad, let alone…,” Rory let the sentence trail off, not wanting to finish it.

“I know,” Chris said, laying back on the bed. They sat like that, in total silence, until the sun came up and they both had to face the reality that Alec wasn’t there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the three-month break. It was a combination of not being able to get this chapter right, my life going to shit, and my own laziness. I do however plan to finish this within the month. Thank you for reading, comments are always welcome and I reply to all of them. Love,
> 
> Starlight.


	11. Everything That I've Done

Alec was not looking forward to the inevitable conversation with Magnus. He wasn’t entirely sure what that conversation would entail, but he knew he didn’t want to have it just yet. His head was still spinning in a thousand directions and none of them were good. Well, that wasn’t true. Several of the ideas that came bursting in unannounced were happy memories, about both Magnus and Chris.

 

_The night was chilly, though Alec was doing is best to ignore it. He was a shadowhunter. He helped to kill demons. A bit of frigid air shouldn’t bother him._ _Even still, he couldn’t quite shake the way his blood felt cold as it pulsed through his veins._

_Maybe if he wasn’t walking to Magnus’s and instead taking a taxi or some other much faster mode of transportation, he wouldn’t be so cold, he thought. That didn’t make much sense, though, as it wasn’t the weather causing the chill._ _He wanted to deny it, but he really couldn’t. There was already too much that he was trying to avoid thinking of._

_He was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t notice when he almost tripped over the thief from his and Magnus’s first date._

_“Hey, watch it-,” the thief started to say before he noticed that it was Alec, “actually, don’t worry about it._ _I guess even ninjas have bad days,” he finished with a grin. Alec sighed. This was_ _why he normally wore glamours. Mundanes really were annoying, and it was disturbing that this one was able to recognize him._

_“I’m_ not _a ninja, mundane,” he told the redhead probably a bit harsher than was strictly necessary. The mugger didn’t even drop his smile one bit as he said,_

_“_ _You could be, though. That’s exactly what a ninja would say.” It was almost midnight, and he was only a few blocks from Magnus’s, and he really did not want to deal with this man any longer. He just needed to find a way to exit himself from this encounter. Izzy would be so much better at this…_

_“Look, I’m trying to get somewhere, and his house is only a short while from here, so please get out of my way,” Alec said, just as_ _socially inept as he thought it would be. The man stepped to the side, giving Alec enough space to walk by him._

_“No problem, man. By him d’you mean the guy you were with before? The one whose wallet bit me?” Alec laughed. He had forgotten that part._

_“Magnus, yes. I mean him,” he told the mugger with slightly less annoyance than before._

_“Cool. I didn’t ruin your date after all,” the man said as he began walking away_ _from Alec._

_It was no secret that Alec was not fond of mundanes. The way he treated Clary and Simon at first showed that clearly. He did not like things or people that got in his way without providing some sort of benefit. Alec thought, as he walked the last few blocks to Magnus’s, that perhaps he would have to rethink his disdain of ordinary humans. Maybe they did serve a purpose. That mugger had distracted him from the eternal Jace drama._

_Later, when he and Magnus were laying together on the couch—after Alec insisted that Magnus take a break from all the work he was doing to find Jace—Alec told Magnus of his run-in with the thief. The warlock laughed and pulled Alec closer to his body._

_“It looks like you’re making friends, Alexander.”_

 

_Alec sighed as he finally got the chance to sit down. He had known that marrying an older man and suddenly having two_ _children was not going to be easy._ _He had not known that sleep would become almost nonexistent._

_Ashleigh had decided that Alec was her favorite father and had clung to his side as often as physically possible. He loved the girl, but she was always getting in his way. Rory didn’t follow him around, thank the Angel, but he was obnoxious. It seemed that he was never going to grow out of the troublemaker phase. Alec should have been better handling rowdy kids—his_ parabatai _was an eternal one—but the lack of sleep was making it difficult._

_The lack of having to babysit Jace was also screwing with his rhythm. It seemed that Jace thought that now that Alec was married and had children, dragging him on dangerous missions that might as well be suicide was a bad idea. Alec, at the very least, was proud of Jace for finally gaining an ounce of common sense._

_It was nice, not having to worry about dying in battle._ _It was peaceful. Which was interesting. Peace was not something that shadowhunters could often claim. It was also quite boring. Alec was grateful for Ashleigh and Rory, without whom he would have nothing to do all day. But raising the half-Faerie kids was exhausting and made him long for the days where Jace was the only child he had to keep safe._

_But now he had a break from both. He could breathe easy until his husband came home. Although Chris had taken over the job of Jace’s babysitter, it wasn’t all it used to be. Jace actually wanted to live now. Alec needed to thank Clary for that._

_Alec loved his new life, there was no doubt about that, but it really was exhausting, so much so that he didn’t even notice when his eyes closed of their own volition and sleep took him._

_Chris walked into the house to see the light in the library on. He was fully prepared to see Alec sitting there, lost in whatever book he had chosen for the night. He was not prepared to see him curled up in a chair fast asleep. He forgot, sometimes, how young Alec really was, but now, with his black hair hanging loosely over his eyes, Alec looked his age. Chris knew shadowhunters tended to marry earlier, but Alec had just turned 20. That had to be young, even by their standards._

_Chris was knocked out of his thoughts when Alec shifted in his sleep and let out a little moan. He walked over to the chair that his husband was in and lightly tapped him on the shoulder. An undignified_ hhmm _came from Alec._

_“Come on, love. It’s late, and you should be in a bed,” Chris whispered in his ear._

_“Can’t we just stay here?” Alec asked, his words laced with sleep. Chris laughed and the sound was like feathers in Alec’s ears._

_“We could, but it wouldn’t be very comfortable,” he said. Alec simply shook his head and pulled Chris down onto his lap._

_“Just for the night,” Alec said as he wrapped his arms around Chris. They stayed like that until Rory woke them in the morning._

 

It wasn’t just for the night, and Alec had indeed been making friends—he had run into the mugger again after everything was said and done and ended up breaking down and crying about Magnus. Alec now had his number on speed dial, and it was one of the most frequently called. That was an idea, but, no. Alec knew that he would have to face the music eventually, and postponing it would only make it worse.

So he got out of bed and threw on some clothes that Jace must have brought in when Alec had called to say he was coming over. They appeared to be ones that he had accidentally left behind when he moved before; basic blue jeans and the shirt that Magnus had given him to wear on their first date that he refused to give back. Alec groaned. Couldn’t Jace have found some other shirt? Knowing Jace, though, it was entirely possible that he knew exactly what he was doing and decided that he wasn’t going to let his brother be a coward. It was also possible that Jace didn’t know, and just randomly grabbed something. Alec really did not want to think about which was the real answer. Instead, he left his room to get breakfast.

Alec had completely forgotten that Isabelle and Simon lived in the Institute until he ran into his sister cooking eggs in the kitchen. He simultaneously felt like the world’s worst brother and afraid for his life. He hoped for half a second to walk in and grab something without being noticed, but that idea was quickly dismissed as Izzy turned her head and saw him.

“Alec,” she said, throwing her arms around him, “it’s been too long. How’s Chris?” Alec didn’t know what his expression became, but he could guess that it wasn’t good from the way Izzy tilted her head in confusion. He sighed. Jace hadn’t told her.

“Chris is, I’m hoping, fine,” He said. Izzy’s eyebrows shot to the top of her head.

“Hoping? What happened, big brother?” Alec shook his head, but knew even as he did that it was pointless and he would have to explain it to her anyway. He started to walk away, but she reached out and grabbed his wrist.

“Me and Chris aren’t together anymore, okay?” He said, jerking free.

“Why? What did he do?” Izzy asked, the eggs on the stove forgotten. Alec was touched, though not surprised, that she thought it was Chris’s fault.

“Nothing. This was my mistake,” he told her, trying to move past her. It didn’t work.

“Explain,” she said without much emotion. And he was back to fearing for his life.

“I kissed Magnus,” he said, equally as stoic. If it wasn’t his life that was crumbling, it would have amused Alec to see the emotions that his sister’s face flashed through. There was confusion, pride, fear, shock, elation, and then confusion again.

“How the hell did this happen?” she asked, still visibly bewildered. Alec shrugged and said,

“Jace gave him my address.” Izzy just nodded. She knew exactly how incapable Magnus and her brother were at keeping their hands off of each other. The next thing they knew the scent of burnt eggs wafted through the air, causing Izzy to rush back to the stove, muttering a string of curses under her breath. Alec took this opportunity to leave without her noticing.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, it is possible for me to update in a timely manner. It is truly a miracle. In other news, I'm afraid the next chapter shall be the last. I had originally hoped that this would be the last one, but I'm strange and didn't want an odd number of chapters. So you all get one more.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for reading. Comments are not only welcome but encouraged and I reply to all of them. Love, 
> 
> Starlight


	12. Such A Difference Between Us

Alec took a deep breath before unlocking Magnus’s apartment door. He remembered the day that Magnus had finally caved in and fixed it. It was something he had done for Alec’s peace of mind, not his own, and Alec knew it. He also remembered the day that Magnus had given him a key. That was a good day. The mere fact that he had not gotten rid of the key and that it still resided in his wallet and easily accessible should have clued him in on the fact that this was bound to happen. But Alec was finally coming to the conclusion that he was an idiot when it came to anything to do with Magnus.

He walked in uninvited to see Magnus asleep on the couch. He supposed he should have seen that coming; Magnus was rarely awake before noon, and it was only 10. Alec took this chance to really look at the man. His hair was longer than he remembered, though only slightly. He still had that agelessness about him, though Alec thought that might have been because he knew Magnus was ageless. It was strange seeing him now, looking younger than himself. Alec didn’t like it. Maybe if he had spent the last 12 years at Magnus’s side instead of Chris’s, the difference wouldn’t be so obvious to him. Maybe he would see Magnus as older, the way he had when they had met.

Alec wanted this, wanted the man on the couch asleep. He wanted to wake him up and tell him that he loved him and wouldn’t be such an idiot again. But even he knew that would be a lie.

Magnus woke up, stretching his limbs off the arms of the couch. He saw Alec standing there, staring at him, and felt his heart stutter. Hope was such a dangerous drug, and Magnus was well aware of that fact, but he gave in to it in that moment.

“Alec, you’re here,” he said sleepily. The younger man nodded.

“Yeah, I am,” Alec responded, losing every bit of confidence that he had gained in the last decade. Running a hand through his hair Magnus asked,

“Why?” That was the question, wasn’t it? Why was Alec there? To run back into Magnus’s arms as every inch of his body wanted him to? Or to tell him that the kiss was a mistake and go back home and grovel to Chris for the kids’ sake? Why did Alec always have to pick between his family and love? As Alec went through that thought process, tears formed in his eyes. This wasn’t fair, but this time, it was all his fault.

Magnus sat up and looked at Alec, not sure if he was allowed to help him. He wanted to. Magnus saw that Alec was no longer 18, but it didn’t register in his brain. He still saw Alexander as the teenaged Shadowhunter who took a chance on him, who thanked him for what he had done for so many other Nephilim without a word. Seeing Alec cry like this brought back memories of the night that his brother died. Magnus had held him in his arms as Alec’s world came crashing down.

“I don’t know,” Alec said through the tears, “I don’t know what I’m doing here.” Alec sat down on the floor and decided to take a deep breath.

“Alexander, are you okay,” Magnus asked. Alec smiled at the use of his full name. He still wouldn’t let anyone else call him that, even after more than a decade.

“No, no I am not, but that doesn’t matter, does it? I’m not the one who is going to get hurt in this situation, no matter what I decide,” he answered. It was then that both men knew what Alec was going to do. He was going to hurt the least number of people, even if it wasn’t what he wanted. This time, he was going to be selfless.

Magnus sighed, got up and sat down next to Alec. To his surprise, Alec laced their fingers together.

“It’s okay, Alec. I get it,” he said, not meaning the first part in the least.

“This isn’t like before. I have so much more to lose,” Alec whispered. Magnus nodded his head.

“I know; it’s okay,” he said. They both sat there in silence, playing with each others’ fingers. Neither knew how long they were like that, comfortable in the way they were together, but lost in their own thoughts.

“You’d love Ash,” Alec said after awhile.

“Yeah?” Magnus replied. Alec nodded.

“She reminds me a lot of you, actually. So flashy no one wants to take her seriously. I’ve already seen that be a demon’s mistake. He was laughing at her one second and dead the next.

“Sounds a bit like Jace,” Magnus said. Alec laughed. It was the kind of laugh that lead to ugly tears and hurting sides. It was the kind of laugh that, despite the harsh side effects, was contagious, and Magnus soon got caught up in it as well.

“I don’t want to lose this,” Alec whispered, mostly to himself, once they both calmed down.

“You don’t have to,” Magnus said just as quietly. Alec sighed.

“None of this is fair, to anyone, but mostly to my kids. Chris and I’s kids. Their mother hates me and I’ve just given her reason to. By the Angel, I’m an idiot,” he thought out loud. Magnus wasn’t sure if it was possible for him to feel even more like shit.

“Blame me,” the words forcing themselves out of Magnus’s mouth without his permission. Alec looked over at him wide-eyed.

“What?”

“Blame me. Make this all my fault. If I hadn’t chosen to find you, none of this would have happened and you would still be at home with your,” Magnus paused before saying the next word, forcing himself to remain calm, “husband.”

Alec continued to stare at him in shock. Though it was undoubtedly the obvious solution, he had never even considered it.

“No,” he said, “this is as much my fault as yours, and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.” Magnus nodded.

“You aren’t picking me, are you?” Magnus’s voice sounded so broken that Alec wanted to cry again, but his words took him back to Edom, back to when Alec was willing to do anything so long as he didn’t lose Magnus. If he was being honest with himself, if it wasn’t for the kids he wouldn’t even hesitate to choose the man sitting next to him.

“Ash and Rory...” was all he said in response to the question. He leaned over and kissed Magnus on the cheek. “I’m sorry,” he said as he stood up and walked out the door.

 

Chris blinked at the noonday sun, shocked that he had gotten no sleep. He looked over at Rory who had thankfully drifted off at some point in the long night. He got up and almost made to wake up Ashleigh only to be reminded that his daughter was not there. He had not lied the night before; he was not worried that Ashleigh would be harmed. She was fully capable of defending herself, and Chris knew that Alec loved her more than anything else and would let nothing happen to her. He was not worried about her, but that did not stop him from wanting her there with him. She was still his daughter.

When his stomach growled, he realized that he had not eaten since seeing Chrisalai. As he made his way to the kitchen to make himself some food, he heard the front door open. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed when it was Alec who walked into the house. Alone.

“Why are you here?” He forced himself to ask. Where numbness had been the day before there was only anger and pain now. Alec flinched at the emotion in Chris’s voice.

“We need to talk,” he whispered. Chris noted, to his surprise, fear in the way that Alec held himself. His fingers were playing with the wedding ring and he was bouncing from foot to foot. Alec was afraid of him, of his reaction. That alone made Chris nod his head and move out of his husband’s way. They were still married, after all.

“I know that you probably haven’t slept, but please tell me you ate something,” Alec said, still the protective caretaker. Chris ran a hand through his hair, and Alec sighed at the action. “Let me make you breakfast.”

“I was about to make something,” Chris started but was quickly interrupted by Alec saying,

“Shut up. You can barely make toast without burning the house down.” Knowing that it was pointless to argue, Chris let Alec into the kitchen and sat at the table.

This was all too normal. Alec making breakfast as Chris watched and the kids slept. Was this not how they had started almost every morning for the last 10 years? This was much too easy for this situation.

When the food was done and both men were seated and eating, the awkwardness settled in again.

“What do you want, Alec?” Chris asked just to break the silence. Alec sighed.

“To figure this out,” he answered the question. Chris tilted in head in confusion. He had been bringing a fork to his mouth, but Alec’s words caught him off guard.

“Figure what out? You left last night,” he said.

“Yes, I did. And last night, I heard Ash crying outside my door while Will Herondale comforted her. I don’t ever want to do that to her again,” Alec said, perfectly aware that he mentioned nothing of his and Chris’s relationship.

“Alexander, what are you suggesting?”

 

It had been decades since Magnus Bane had last lost control of his magic. It had been so long since his emotions were more powerful than his carefully created facade of calm. But the moment Alec quietly closed the door to his loft, Magnus felt everything explode around him. There was now food splattered on the walls and furniture in pieces on the floor. There was priceless artwork shattered into dust that coated the rest of the mess. Doors slammed themselves open and windows plummeted shut. If Magnus had not long ago soundproofed his apartment, he was sure that the noise would have caused his neighbors to call the cops. Yes, that would have been a fun explanation. _I’m sorry, officer, my ex-boyfriend from a decade ago just stopped by and I happened to fall apart like the teenager I look like. I assure you, I can clean this all up in a few minutes. No, there’s no reason to put me in psychiatric care._

In the past, this is where he would have called Catarina and have her nurturing instincts guide him back to sanity, but he couldn’t do that this time. Catarina had, on Magnus’s request, befriended the shadowhunter boy. They were close now, and Magnus did not want to force his oldest living friend to pick sides in the mess that he had caused.

He thought for a second about calling Jace, then mentally slapped himself. There was no universe in which Jace Herondale would help the man that had hurt his _parabatai_ the most. Jace and Magnus had a lot of things in common, the most important being their love of Alec Lightwood. And at that thought, the mess in Magnus’s room started floating. That was not Alec’s name anymore. Magnus realized that he did not know Alec’s last name and his heart hurt at that.

 _Alexander Lightwood would not break his heart._ It broke Magnus to realize that he had been right after all.

 

The next day, there was a mattress bought and placed in a corner of the library in the Shadowwood household. Ashleigh’s music was blasting from her room. It hurt her to see her parents so distant with each other, but it was better than nothing, she supposed. Rory was back at the Institute training the Herondale children. He avoided the library for weeks after the events of those two days. He couldn’t stand to be in the room that his whole life changed in.

 

Chris wasn’t sure what he was expecting, keeping Alec in his life. But it was not this. It was not cold distance. He hated it, he hated it so much that he almost asked Jace for Magnus Bane’s address just so he could ask the warlock to make his husband happy again. Almost. But he didn’t. Alec made his choice, and now he would have to live with it.

 

Alec knew Chris only let him stay because of the kids. _That’s fine,_ he thought. They were the only reason that he came back in the first place. It occurred to him out of nowhere once everything was said and done that he had turned out just like his father. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long. I really am. I had not intended for that to happen. Anyway, it's over, finally. I'm not sure if people are going to be happy with the ending as it varies from what my original plan was for this by a lot. I guess I'll see what people think. Thanks for reading. As always, comments are welcome and I reply to all of them. I love you, 
> 
> Starlight
> 
> Hello, it is time for some shameless self-promo in the form of asking people to check out my YouTube channel. The link is below if you want to, no pressure though. It's non-fanfic poetry type of things with art I did myself. Thanks so much and I love you, 
> 
> Starlight.  
> https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyp6O-rkeTmH9_GWrehrl4A


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